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Tired

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My mind at the moment.

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the things that have been going on around me, and well I’ve decided, I’m tired. For the sake of this post and my mind needing some semblance of order, I’m going to break up this post into two parts:

I’m tired of miscommunication and hate,

So some context, I live in South Africa and at the moment we are going through a tough time in our country. Our country is currently questioning the structures of our society, because of this a lot of information has come too light and a lot of questions are being asked. Now in regards to people questioning, I have no problem with that, this post isn’t about giving an opinion on who is right or what is important, it’s merely a comment on what I keep seeing.

So, I’m tired. I’m tired of people misinterpreting one another, I’m tired of ignorance giving rise to hate and I’m tired of people using discord to incite violence. I’m tired of people not willing to listen to each other. I’m tired of people not seeing the whole picture and most of all I’m just tired. I guess, I thought this part of the post would be longer, but giving more would require giving an opinion on the matter and I prefer to be the outside vote, the person who neither agrees nor disagrees with what is going on. I think, right now, we need more outside votes, more on-lookers who can take a step back and read both sides equally. While I believe a person can never be completely unbiased, bringing their own preconceived notions and experiences into any situation, the ability to read something intelligently and questioning, why these things are going on? What’s fueling them is important? People need to stop taking everything at face value and reading into things with emotion. I keep seeing so much ignorance at the moment, people who take everything they have seen as concrete, thus leading to others making judgement immediately, without any support, any query, it just it bothers me, makes me tired and leads to others not understanding where each person is coming from.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Nexxxxxxxt.

I’m tired of love,

I’m tired of bad conversations and exhausting compliments. Let me explain: My thought processes have been overthinking again, I know never a good thing, but it struck me the other day, how difficult it is to have a decent conversation with people nowadays. To clarify I’m only talking about when I go “out on the town”, couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it, and I’m going to back peddle and circle and lament because that’s how I think and question when I overthink things. So yes, I do understand that having decent conversations at a club or a bar is unlikely because people aren’t there to talk, they are there to drink, have a good time, or sometimes even to dance, but you know it makes me sad that we can’t do these things, regardless, let me make my point.

You go out, you see a girl at a pub or club and you hit your first barrier, what she looks like, now here is where my first irritation comes in. Society for some unknown reason holds this line of attraction between people, we see it everyday, attractive people are grouped together next to ok-looking yet, rich looking people and then less attractive people ect. ect. So just in approaching an ‘attractive’ girl is a feat in itself, now you talk to her and the shit literally hits the fan, the range of politeness to outright ignorance is mind-blowing. I’ve had people flat out ignore me, and this rant because lets face it, this is a rant, is not at being ignored it’s at the idea that two people can’t have a pleasant conversation without there being some kind of expectation from one another. So let’s say she doesn’t ignore you, she says hi back to you and tells you her name, most people I’ve met, when talking to them, give the basic sense of mere politeness, people are reluctant to engage with other people, who they don’t know, understandable, but still why not? Why must we be so callous, for a lack of a better word?

So rant over, here’s what I want. I want to stop being tired of burdensome expectations and find someone who, when I meet them, engages with me and we have a pleasant, decent conversation. I want to compliment a girl telling her she’s beautiful not because it is true but because I hope to learn that past her beauty is an individual who is unique and different, who can assess what I say and give feedback on whatever we talk about. I’m tired of shallow conversations that end with, ‘yeah that’s cool’, with making out because, ‘like oh my gosh he/she is so hot.’ I want to meet individuals, not numbers. I want to find diversity and uniqueness. I guess what I really want is to meet intelligence, and I don’t mean intelligence in the generalized sense, I just mean an intelligence that lingers that questions. Give me that and well, I’d happily kiss your mind all evening.

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