Feelings · Life

Understanding in the moment.

It’s been a bit since the last memory inscribed on the blank canvas that is Milkshake Thoughts. I was a bit fatigued from the length of time my last post took. If you’re interested you can find it here Anime, where to start.

But today I want to reflect and appreciate the last few months that have gone by in my personal life. A lot of the time I can be cryptic and conscious of my writing and what it takes and uses from my own experiences. And recently I have been struggling with patience. Currently, in my life, I am waiting to join and live with my fiance’ permanently, but at the moment I am waiting for my visa process to go through. And unfortunately what should have taken a few months has started to take more than a year. And so now I find myself in an odd limbo-like state that I am living in… A situation I have to say I weirdly enough have actually been in before a long time ago in what feels somewhat life a whole other life and a very different me. Which is good and bad in its own way but what I can say is that it’s allowed me to reconcile and more importantly reflect on the now verses the past.

I find myself unable to move forward stuck in this passage of time waiting, “patiently” to press on. And it’s frustrating and painful to be away from the woman I love for months on end with minimal work available to me as I wait. I can’t explain the passage of time that has been these last few months to me. They’ve almost floated by in a way I hadn’t conceived or even expected. And while I find myself consistently on a pendulum of good and bad days with loneliness, but also the appreciation of having a place to stay and my wonderful family who supports me, I can’t help but look back and wonder how these things will shape and reflect on me moving forward.

But I think I can say that I’ve learned to love even when someone is out of sight. Truly something I never thought possible. I’ve learned to create opportunities to connect and bond even when that special someone is far away, but mostly I’ve learned to appreciate the existence of living in the present understanding that what is ahead means leaving certain moments and people behind, not lost, but not there and I think while I can complain and grind my teeth in angst I still cannot begrudge the appreciation I’ve had that was unexpected yet welcome.

So what does this all mean? Well to put it simply I have had time to reconnect, appreciate and develop relationships with my family that I didn’t expect to have the opportunity to. One development being one of the highlights of my year, that of seeing my sister again for the first time in four years. I find that a lot of my posts recently haven’t touched too much on me personally but I want to share my Christmas memories here reminding me that the world can be such a big place and when the people you love get together overcoming large obstacles it truly becomes something you cherish and remember.

I have also learned to appreciate young kids interacting with much younger minds than I normally do and appreciating the curiosity and personalities they have. I’ve been connecting with my fiance’ in creative and wonderful ways that never would have been thought about if not for distance.

And I ended my year with the best New Year I’ve ever experienced. Not out late with loud music and sweaty people, but on a laptop, videoing my fiance’ as we both ate and shared our lives over a charcuterie board and a glass of wine. We watched the stars on our Nintendo switches counting down the hours, appreciating our online date something I had made for her on Animal Crossing, a wonderful Nintendo game we recently purchased to be closer and connected.

So to end off this post feeling better having voiced my blank canvas into a state of something more, here are a few photos from our Animal Crossing date. Please feel to gush at how adorable we are because I really can’t stop doing so, it gives me a smile every time I look at these photos.

So to close Dear, Reader belated happy holidays and a wonderful New Year to you all. May you reflect and remember the lessons you may have learned from before while appreciating the ahead to come. Here’s to 2023 may it hold as much promise as the year before it had.

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