It’s been a while dear reader. It seems over the last few weeks my mind has been stirring, bubbling, perhaps steaming, on a gentle pot of blackened contemplation. It has been lonely dear reader, but in my solitude I have found some new perspective.
I’ve been thinking about a lot of things in the past few days and I have decided my goal is to test the cliche’. By this I mean experience what we read on the internet. What we see on pinterest and marvel at through instagram. I want to test the idea of discovery, viewed from a cliched construct, a background forged on the basis of optimism and enlightenment.
I’m in a stasis of memory, meandering through a web of life surrounded by walls of the mundane. Yet I feel like I’m growing, not in the spiritual sense but in a mental idea of adulthood. A send off to my earlier realizations of reality, the life of being an adult. I write this now not, unfortunately, for you dear, reader but instead for me. I learn from where I have come. I see now that the happiness I believed so strongly from before, that was not found through material gain is partially correct but overall lacked focus. I’m still looking for that happiness, but I’m doing it with new perspective, the cliched ideal of belief.
I believe that I must lose to gain because I am lost with myself, and to be honest I intimidate myself sometimes, not in the idea of being overwhelming but in the ignorance I find in knowing who I am as a person. I need to cliche my understanding, look for who I am, discover what it is I enjoy and how conscious I am of the things I do. Solitude is only as corrosive as you allow it to be, sure I’ve felt a bit down, but emotions are there for a reason. All I need to do is see who it is I am and from there, well who knows, but I can say this at least, from there I’ll know it’s me, conscious, in control and independent in my own right.