Transluscence, not a word used too often during everyday talk. But just the sound itself, spoken a loud leans into the idea of the word—change.
And recently I have found myself undergoing a lot of change, change in lifestyle, change in direction, and change in meaning. I keep coming back to this image of a jellyfish floating in the deep, translucent and ethereal in its cadence and frequency, so unconcerned and yet, as some jellyfish can be, deadly really.
I was walking through the trees today, reminiscing about my journey through life so far, taking quiet steps, floating gently through the moss, wet, and asphalt, and softly trying to recall the life I’ve been through. What can I recall? What mattered to me? Or perhaps what were the most impactful and hollowed instances to my core that I can remember. I traced my memories through my childhood, my teachers, my classmates, the houses my families and I lived in and what struck me as surprising was the pathways of landscapes and geography’s I could recall the twists and turns of winding roads, the textured rediscovery of the treehouses and carpets strewn across my retinas as I fell slowly through the pasts of my life.
As I drove away from this timeless remembrance the woods glimpsing back and forth side to side of my car I put on the song Stars – by Simply Red and shivered through the self induced deja vu neck pulses of this song blaring through my child hood home moments trapped in time for me there, but also needing to be gently pushed open like that creaking gate that squeaks as its pushed through seasons of heat and moisture.
It never felt emotional, though did I treasure these memories, yes, but in the same way you reminisce once in a while on a time spent in the past, it does not affect you in the here and now, it just is.
So as I start moving through this new period in my life, I remember the gates I’ve opened before and remind myself that life changes, is it scary? Yes, but I’ve seen this before me, in a mother whose strength has had to start over many times before, is it difficult? Of course it is, but I have seen this before, too, in a father who has faced adversity many times before as well. And I appreciate this change and embrace the idea of the understanding that impossibilities are dependent on luck and hard work, and I have the patience to wait for the first and the grit to make sure the second becomes possible as a part of my daily routine.
I realize this feels disjointed in an earnest way, I hope. But it’s what I need right now, and that brings comfort, that idea of reminding myself how my life has worked and how it will continue to do so in the future.
Always remember we can’t go back, but we can move on, or if that’s too hard, at least try again.
After all, much like the jellyfish, aren’t we all capable of change, shifting in our own transluscence, becoming the frequency we might not be able to choose, but one we need to be in the here and the now.
Milkshake Thoughts 